Monday, June 24, 2013

Circle of Life

Again it has been way too long of a break from my beloved blog.  So many pressing demands taking my time have forced me into a terrible case of writer's block.  My days at work are filled with budget planning, pending furloughs, counseling employees through this tough time, and succession planning all at the same time.  When I am away from work I devote my time and energy to my family and well, there is little left for piecing together my many thoughts into something that makes any sense at all, let alone something inspiring or refreshing.  (sigh)

However, as a women who lives by accountability, loyalty, and never giving up: the blog will go on.  The words will come.  I will not abandon this outlet that gives me the lifeline back to myself.  I am full of thoughts, ideas, inspiration and creativity.  I know the words will come.  I've been reading and praying and hoping.  Today, I decided to just start typing.  I don't have an outline or a conclusion.  I only have a need to feel alive in the free-flow of words as my thoughts form and my fingers move across the keyboard. 

Here it is: Monday morning and I am in another meeting (coffee cup empty: yikes!).  But my light bulb has come on during this briefing about a seemingly never-ending plan to deliver electronic health records to our military health care beneficiaries.  Its all about eliminating redundancies, portfolio management, and risk mitigation strategies.  AHA! There is it is: risk mitigation.  My mind wanders off.  I don't know what was briefed on the remaining 16 slides.  The words have come to me and I cannot wait to get to my blog.

I will no longer live a life of risk mitigation strategies.  I have played it safe all my life and don't get me wrong, I life a good life.  But I know there is SOMETHING MORE!  My mind's eye reveals an image of wounded bird.  A wounded bird becoming so fearful that it holds its wings close and chooses not to fly as high.  The view is pretty good midway up the tree and the food is plenty there.  The wounded bird lives on but just beneath where it should.  But it is still a bird capable of flying much higher than it does.  That wounded bird is me.

I've made many of my choices for security above all else based on outside influences of poverty, fear, and a question that has plagued me for my entire life: who am I to think I deserve more?  I mean, I live a good life, some would say the American dream, but I am not flying.  Somewhere deep inside of me I know I was meant to soar.  I don't want to live out my days as injured bird.  This moment of clarity has come to me as I reflect on two lives lost in my extended family: a distant cousin who succumbed to cancer at the young age of 47 and an uncle who died suddenly of heart attack at the age of 77 (both within days of  one another).  One life reminds me of the realization that this life is truly fleeting and we never know how many tomorrows we are going to have.  The other is the life of a man who made such huge contributions; an example of emptying oneself before leaving the earth.  Death is never without sorrow or pain, but I am inspired to live more, do more, be more and soar with the remaining time that I have on the planet as I pray for my loved ones during this difficult time. 

No more risk mitigation for me.  The circle of life is an amazing thing.  Two lives ended yet still touching those left behind.  The end can be the beginning.  Nurse your broken wings and fly higher than before.  Join me, let's take flight.