So I've been THINKING about writing so often but nothing is getting transmitted from my brain to my fingers and onto this blog. I don't know what happens: I have divine inspiration all around me, my heart filled with joy, God's wisdom bringing it together with true poetry in motion and yet sleep trumps it all. The more I lament about the missed opportunities to sit and think and write I realize that I am a walking billboard for the old Nationwide Insurance Company campaign: Life Comes At You Fast. And so here is my top ten list that makes sleep more appealing (and necessary) than writing at this time in my life:
1. I am a wife and mother. I am working hard to build a legacy with the man God blessed me with and it takes time to cultivate a strong, healthy, lasting marriage. I am trying to raise two black girls in a complex world of bullies, body image drama, and a culture trying to lure them to the opposite of every value that I am trying to instill in them; enough said.
2. I am working in one of the most challenging jobs I have ever had in my life right now. I enjoy my work but there are literally not enough hours in the day to do all of the things that I want to do; coach and mentor all of the people in my professional circle, improve the organization the way that I want to; and basically make the impact that I feel I should be making. But I am determined to keep striving for these things and more. Note: sleep is getting off to an amazing start.
3. I am serving at wonderful and growing church doing things in ministry that I believe are truly making difference in body of Christ. I am co-leading our monthly women's fellowship, working as an event planner for our women's conference, leading a life group, and helping to shape the future of our AV ministry with a GREAT team of people. I am not doing any of these things at the level of excellence I desire (however I am growing and learning and becoming better along the way), but I love every minute and this service brings me much fulfillment.
4. I am reconnecting with people who have been instrumental in my life. Being in the military for many years and being pretty transient during my childhood caused me not to have roots truly planted anywhere. God has blessed me to reconnect with some of the people who were so very important to me over the years. But reconnecting is intentional and it takes planning and coordinating and TIME. I'm getting sleepy thinking about all of the fun I had at CIAA with my girlfriends, the one day travel to Greensboro, NC to be present at my Godmother's ordination as a Bishop, and my 40th birthday trip to Hawaii last year. Whew!!!! But these are memories and connections that I need in my life and so writing must wait.
5. We have added to our family--no I have NOT had another baby! But I have my 21-year-old niece living in my home and we have become Godparents to a precious baby boy. I spend time as I am drifting off to sleep wondering how I can be a better Aunt, what can say to help shape and mold this young woman at this critical time in her life? I don't want to push her away but I want to make an impact. I dream about days just holding that little boy in my arms but the days keep going by fast and I fear he will be walking and talking before I carve out time for him in his infant stage.
6. I have about ten women who I would love to meet with on a regular basis just to chat, pray, laugh, provide sanity checks, etc. I have these mini, power packed, drive-by conversations in the bathroom at church, before or after meetings, in the parking lot, standing in line, and we say we really need to grab coffee together or let's get together for lunch. Doesn't happen most of the time but I am meeting with one of these ladies in the morning for breakfast so maybe there's hope. :-)
7. I am trying to live a healthy life and do some things that are just for me. One of those things is running. It really brings balance to my life, provides a way for me to stay fit, and is a great stress reliever. I ran my first half-marathon last year and I am planning to do a full marathon this year, but guess what: it takes time to run 5, 6, 7, 10 miles. I am thankful for the running DNA that God gave me because I have never been able to keep up with any running schedule.
8. I think it will be pretty pathetic if I am not active in a local chapter of my beloved sorority since our 100 year celebration is quickly approaching right here in DC. I mean seriously? Yes, I am calling myself out. Note to self: get it together before January 13, 2013! Enough said.
9. The little time that I do have to "veg out" I spend on research the various things I want to know more about. I like news, but not FOX, MSN, or CNN kind. I prefer NPR and BBC. I can spend more time than I care to 'fess up to reading articles about obscure subjects and happenings around the world. I love stories of hope and inspiration found in small villages in Botswana and I have found myself in tears at my computer praying for people I will never know who are trying to overcome things that would knock the average American out of commission. So I don't have clue who any of the real housewives, basketball wives, or dancing with stars contestants are at all.
10. Finally, I am thankful that I am passionate about God's word and I spend the other parts of my computer time researching scriptural meanings and various commentaries on passages that I am trying to wrap my mind around. I wish I could spend all day in prayer and study of God's word but I know that is not a balanced life. But there are days when prayer follows my inspiration and that is all; I am hoping for thought to jot down but nothing comes. Or I may thoughts and every intention of releasing them on a page (computer screen) but they are only fit for prayer and further sharing with my Heavenly father. So I meditate, I pray, I have poems and words written in my heart and that is where they stay most times because those moments are more important than maintaining a blog and forcing something that is not quite ready. Just words for words sake? No, I will never do that.
Well, there you have it, my top ten list of things that are keeping me from writing. I hope you enjoy and until the next we "meet" in this space I pray that you are living a full, abundant life!