I got the girls lunch and then went into my master bathroom and began to sob. The tears seemed like they had been pent up for years, I mean I had sat through years of father's day services, sappy daddy-daughter movies, and even watched my own husband with my girls, but nothing compared to Pastor Brett standing there talking to God and calling Him Daddy on that day. I realized that I had accepted God as my Savior, my Lord, my Provider, but not my Daddy. So the tears kept flowing as memories flashed through my mind like a Lifetime movie:
- Living with a wonderful caregiver until the age of 5 but always feeling like something wasn't quite right
- Going to live with my mother and her husband after my sister was born and always feeling like I didn't belong there
- The ten-year old me wondering why I didn't look like anyone in my family
- The twelve-year old me asking God how my dad could just live his life without ever even wondering about me at all
- Me, at 13 meeting him and it was such a let-down. I wanted a hero but he was a troubled man suffering from liver disease due to years of drinking
- Then me at 16, attending his funeral feeling nothing as he was laid to rest; I did not shed a tear
I had a divine moment that day and the word of the Lord in Psalm 27:10 became clear to me: when my mother and father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. I thought about how He must have taken me "up" above those circumstances throughout my life so I would not be consumed by them. In other words, I don't look like what I've been through. So many people have difficult family relationships but I am so glad that my Daddy specializes in healing the brokenhearted. Psalm 34:17-18 gives us hope: the righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. I thank my Daddy for His healing power and the power of His love that overtakes me. I am the apple of His eye and He is making my latter years SO much better than my former years. So when you see all my blessings just remember: I am a Daddy's girl! And if you're in need of some healing don't underestimate the healing power of an ugly cry.